I've been meeting Lisa for lunch almost everyday for the past 3 months. She's a secretary in some office building. Although I do love spending time with my best friend and I do need to eat lunch, I have an ulterior motive. For the past 3 months, which is a pathetically long amount of time, I've been trying to get her boss or as I like to call him, "tall, dark, and broody" to notice me.

He's fucking perfect. He has these pretty green eyes, and this pretty brown hair, and these pretty soft lips. And, he reduces me to the intelligence of a fucking five year old. Pretty? Brown? Green? I'm an artist for fuck's sake. I should be able to come up with a better description than that. I am most definitely obsessed.

The temporary retardation that sets in whenever I'm around him, or looking at him, or thinking about him is one of the main reasons I hadn't talked to him yet. I just haven't figured out a way to approach him yet. He always has this sexy little frown on his face. He's just so damn unapproachable. He constantly looks pissed off, in a pretty kind of way, you know?

I can't really imagine him being interested in me. Well, actually he's not my usual type either. The last guy I dated was a musician. Turns out, he was fucking everyone in sight, male and female. Imagine my surprise when I walk in on him fucking some chick with implants. Not that I have a problem with him being bi or anything. It just would have been nice to know beforehand. Ah, such is the life.

Now I'm in lust with Mr. sexy, unapproachable, perfect guy that up until a few minutes ago, I wasn't even sure was gay. Lisa has been digging for information for the last couple of months, ever since I broke down and told her about my obsession with her boss. She finally turned up some gossip at, of all places, the water cooler.

"Mr. Keith has a major stick up his ass."

"From what I heard, that's not all he has up his ass."

Being the anally (no pun intended) private person Brad Keith was, overhearing this tiny conversation at the water cooler was the furthest Lisa was going to get with her gossip hunting. This afternoon, when I came in to meet with Lisa, she told me the news. One person in the office thought Brad Keith was gay, the others were indifferent. This was all the encouragement I needed. No one was sure that he was straight, so maybe I had a chance.

Everyday when I visit Lisa, we sit by her desk and eat whatever lunch I bring in for the day. While we're eating, we wait for Brad to leave his office and head to the elevators. He walks by our desk. I say "Hey" or "Hi" or "Hey." He grunts and continues walking towards the elevators. With the news I received today, I figure its time for me make my move. So, I follow him into the elevator. We're the only ones in it.

"Hi!" It comes out a couple octaves higher than my usual tone. I wince at my nervous sounding greeting. He doesn't respond right away.

He looks at his watch, looks upwards, and rolls his eyes before he mutters, "Hello." So, I'm definitely getting the impression that he doesn't want to talk. But, I forge ahead.

I reach out my hand for a hand shake, "I'm a friend of Lisa's."

He finally looks up. "Lisa who?"

"Um, Lisa...your...a...um...secretary," I can barely able get the words out. My hand is still out and he hasn't shaken it yet.

"Hm. Lisa." He finally reaches out to shake it. "Name?"

"Elliott." I run my hand through my hair and try to think of something to say. After a few moments I finally remember what Lisa and I had planned on me asking if I actually got into a conversation with him. The elevator has already arrived at the ground level. I walk out first and turn around to talk to him again. And, I swear to god I catch him staring at my ass. I look him in the eyes and he seems a bit embarrassed. A light pink blush colors his cheeks. He is so gay.

"Um, Lisa and I and a couple of friends are going to a new bar opening tonight. Um, would you like to come along?" He looks surprised by the question.

"No thanks, I have plans." Oh fuck, I bet he has a boyfriend. A rich, gorgeous, perfect boyfriend.

"A boyfriend?" I ask with a hint of disappointment in my voice that I can't hide. He looks up at me, a shocked expression on his face.

"Um, no. Work." He's single! Thank god.

"Oh, well, see you around." He walks out of the building and I walk back to the elevators. When I see Lisa again, I have a huge grin on my face. Bradley Keith will have no idea what hit him. He is so mine. He's gay, he's available, and he likes my ass. This is most definitely a sure thing.

I walk into the diner a couple blocks from my office Monday afternoon, the same diner I go to everyday for lunch. I move to sit at the same table I always sit at, when I see him. There he is at my usual table. I barely pause to send an irritated glare his way and walk across the diner to a different table and sit down. The waitress comes over to take my order. For the past year I've been coming to this diner and every time this same waitress flirts until I'm forced to scowl at her. It's almost enough to keep me from coming back, but this is the only place I know of that has lemon bars. So, I keep coming back to satisfy my lemon bar addiction.

In the year that I've been coming here, I've never seen the kid here. But here he is sitting at my favorite table. Bitch. The waitress comes back over to drop off my sandwich, her thick waist blocking my view of his table. When she moves out of the way, he's walking over to my table and carrying his plate.

He sets his plate on my table and sits down in the chair across from me. What the fuck is he doing?

"Hi Brad. I saw you over here and I thought I'd join you for lunch." Well I guess that explains what the fuck he's doing. I'm so shocked by this turn of events that I know I must have a blank stare on my face. I finally snap out of the shock and actually look at him. He looks nervous. I can actually see him using his tongue to play with his lip ring. And watching his pink tongue against the cool silver metal has no affect on my cock whatsoever. None. Yeah. Right.

"Um...I'm Eli. I met you in the elevator last Friday. You work with my friend Lisa. Well not actually with her. I mean you work in the same office, but you don't actually work together..." He's rambling. I decide to save him from further embarrassment.

"Yeah, I remember you." To my surprise he actually blushes. I pick up my sandwich and we finish our meals in relative silence.

XXXXXXXXXX

I walk into the diner on Tuesday and there he is again, sitting at my usual table.

"Hey Brad! I saved you a seat." Did I ask him to save me a seat? No. I consider just ignoring him and sitting at a different table. But, I'm not a mean person and it is my favorite table. I figure it can't hurt to appease the kid this once. I sit down and a few seconds later the waitress comes over.

For once she doesn't flirt with me. Although I think the kid's glare after her first attempt has something to do with that. Looks like he's good for something after all.

We finish our sandwiches and I motion for the waitress to come over.

"I'll have two lemon bars for dessert." She walks away to get my food and the kid looks at me before asking a question.

"Oh, are those good? I've never had one before." I must have heard him wrong. There is no way he just said he's never had a lemon bar before.

"You've never had a lemon before?" He shakes his head no. "Are you serious?" Just then the waitress sets the lemon bars on the table in front of me. I look at the bars, then the kid, and back at the bars. I can't believe I'm about to do this. I pick up a lemon bar, break it in half, hand him a piece, and quickly stuff my mouth with the other half of lemony goodness. Did you think I was going to give him a whole bar? Yeah fucking right.

XXXXXXXXXX

I walk into the diner on Wednesday and he isn't there and I swear I'm not disappointed. I'm actually happy to be able to eat alone once again. The waitress comes over to take my order and surprisingly she doesn't flirt with me. Twenty minutes into my sandwich, the kid runs into the diner and plops down in the seat across from me.

"Sorry I'm late." As if we had a lunch date. He starts rambling about why he's late. And to my surprise, I find myself listening. Apparently he's getting ready for a show of up-and-coming artists and just lost track of time.

I glance at my watch, put down a few dollars, and get up to put on my coat.

"I...uh...have to get back to work."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you Monday," he says with an amazingly bright smile.

I'm outside of the diner when I realize I didn't get my lemon bars. Fuck! The kid distracted me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I walk into the diner on Thursday and he isn't there, and I'm not disappointed. Not even a little bit. I order my food without any flirtation. And I swear I don't look at the door every time the little bell goes off. After finishing my sandwich, I order my lemon bars because there is no one to distract me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I walk into the diner on Friday and he isn't there. Okay, so I'm a little disappointed. I'm man enough to admit that. The waitress comes over to take my order and sort of hovers at the table after I give it to her.

"Where's that cute little boyfriend of yours?" I grit my teeth.

"I don't have a boyfriend and I don't know where the fuck he is." Okay, so maybe I'm more than a little disappointed.

When I get back to the office, I walk to the girl's desk. After a few moments she finally looks up.

"Um...Lisa, right?"

"That's me. What can I do for you Mr. Keith?"

"You're a friend of Elliott's?" She nods. "Uh, I haven't seen him around in a few days. Is everything alright?"

"It's very nice of you to ask, Mr. Keith." She says with a large smile. "Actually everything's fine. He's just been busy preparing for his show tomorrow night."

"Oh, right. Thanks."

XXXXXXXXXX

Thank god it's Friday I'm just finishing up in the office, when I hear a soft knock at the door.

"Come in." And, there he is and he's holding a Tupperware container.

"Hey Brad."

"Hello." I say cautiously.

Sorry I haven't been able to make it to lunch lately. I've been getting ready for this show. I'm so nervous for it. I really don't want to go to it alone. My mother said that she would be able to come, but at the last minute she cancelled on me. And Lisa has a date tomorrow night. And, I was wondering if you could come with me." I'm about to quickly dismiss that idea when he says, "I brought you lemon bars." He opens the Tupperware container and shows me the contents. Six bars of lemony goodness. How am I supposed to say "no."

"Sure." I grab a lemon bar and try not to over think my answer. I agreed to go with him because of the tempting lemon bars. It had nothing to do with me wanting to spend more time with him or actually missing him these past couple of days.

Nope. It's all about the lemon bars.

As I pull my piece-of-shit car up to Brad's apartment building I consider pinching myself. I cannot believe I'm picking Brad up for a date. Well, he isn't exactly aware this is a date. But, I say it's a date and my opinion is the only one of importance, so this is undoubtedly a date. I park my car in front of the building and walk up to the metal front door. I scan the list of names next to the buzzer buttons for Keith, take a deep breath, and push the button. I wait for him to buzz me up and after a few minutes of waiting my mind drifts to the possibility of him standing me up. I'm mentally freaking out when he opens the door beside me. I'm a little disappointed that I don't get a chance to see his apartment, but I can't help smiling nonetheless.

"Hi Brad."

"Elliott."

"It's Eli. The show is at Smith Gallery. It's about twenty minutes away," I say as we're walking to my car. I walk around to the driver's side and when I look up, Brad is still about five feet from my car, staring at it with a look of disapproval.

"Are you coming?"

"Not in that piece of shit I'm not." Yeah, I know my car's a piece of shit, but he's not getting off that easily.

"What? Why not?" I ask all wide-eyed innocence.

"That thing is a death trap, Eli. I'm not riding in that piece of shit."

"Brad, it's not that bad." Hey, that rhymed.

"Eli, look at it. We'll take my car."

"No."

"No?"

"You heard me. We're taking my car. It'll be fun. When was the last time you rode in a '93 classic white Suzuki Sidekick? It's like the Rolls Royce of shitty cars. Come on, get in." I get into the car and wait for him. He opens the passenger side door and gingerly takes a seat. When he closes the door I begin my "starting the car ritual." I start the engine, wait for five seconds, then stroke the dashboard softly and whisper lovingly "you can do it MotherFuckingPieceOfShit, you can do it MotherFuckingPieceOfShit." As I'm repeating it for the third time, Brad bursts out laughing. It's the first time I've heard him laugh.

"Wow, he has a sense of humor!" I exclaim in mock astonishment.

"Hey, I have a sense of humor!" He replies indignantly, picking up on my sarcasm. I roll my eyes and pull away from the curb.

I was telling Brad the truth when I said this show makes me nervous. It's the first time my art is being displayed away from the whole school atmosphere. People are coming to buy my work and critics are coming to judge my talent. Brad being here helps a lot. I mean instead of spending the night worrying about everyone's reactions to my work, I'll be focusing on getting Brad into bed or at least agreeing to a second date.

XXXXXXXXXX

Almost as soon as we walk in, the gallery manager scurries up to greet me.

"Elliott, I'm so glad you made it. And, who's your boyfriend?" she asks motioning to Brad. She lives for gossip.

"I'm not his--" I don't give him a chance to complete his sentence.

"This is Brad Keith." I can feel Brad's glare, but I choose to ignore it. He's going to be my boyfriend sooner or later. There's no use confusing the woman with extra titles.

I take his arm and drag him away from the manager before he says anything to deny our newfound relationship. I usher him to my section of the exhibit, partly to make sure that no one fucked up the hanging and partly because I'm really interested in Brad's opinion of my work. I give him a few minutes to look everything over before asking for his impression.

"So, what do you think?"

"It's actually not bad." I roll my eyes at the underhanded compliment.

"Not bad, eh?" He puts on a show - examining my work, putting hand to chin before giving his re-evaluation.

"Well, I guess its okay."

"Okay? It's fucking brilliant, Brad." He does this cute kind of chuckle thing.

"It is better than the other shit on the walls." He says, glancing around the gallery. I look around and I have to agree. "So, how long do we have to be here?"

"Well, I guess we can leave in a couple hours. I'm just here to mingle with the "important people." He nods and looks around and I know he's trying to figure out how he'll entertain himself for the next two hours. "There's a bar over there." I say pointing to the far side of the room. He looks relieved and he starts walking to it before he remembers that I'm still here. He turns around.

"Do you want something?" I roll my eyes at his concern.

"No, I'm good. Help yourself." Maybe you'll get drunk enough to take advantage of. I smile and wave him off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Two hours later I look toward the bar and see Brad in a corner with an older man, an extremely older man. And, just by observing their body language it's obvious that this guy is hitting on him. Brad's definitely sending "get away from me" vibes. When I make eye contact with him, his eyes silently plead for rescue. As soon as I make it to his side I'm enveloped in his arms. And for a moment I'm overwhelmed by the stench of alcohol.

"Hey, baby! Shnookums, this is Mr. Fields. Mr. Fields this is my boyfriend Eli." He makes introductions, albeit somewhat slurred. He still has an arm around my waist and his hands are basically groping me, I'm guessing to make a point to Mr. Fields. Not that I'm complaining. After a few moments, the old man makes his excuses and leaves us to harass some other young gentleman.

"You ready to go?"

"Hmm? Yeah, sure." His arm is still around my waist as we walk to my car.

XXXXXXXXXX

I pull up to his apartment building and come to the conclusion that he's really too drunk to walk up to his own apartment. After struggling to get him out of the car, finding his keys, and walking up the stairs we make it to his front door. And I seriously cannot believe he's this drunk; he's still making a few fumbling attempts at groping me. Within a few minutes I manage to get the door open.

"Where's your bedroom, Brad?"

"You wanna sleep with me, Eli?" he flirts. I steer him toward the back of the apartment and open the door to what I assume is his bedroom. I figure he should be fine once he sleeps it off. As I'm taking off his shirt to get him ready for bed, he begins fumbling with the zipper on his pants.

"Cool, you get undressed too, Eli." After a few minutes, I finally get him situated in the bed, underneath the covers and it seems like he's fallen asleep. But, as I'm moving away, he pulls my arm, effectively bringing my body down to his, "kiss me, Eli" he says before meeting my lips with his. I pull away to catch my breath and when I open my eyes I find him passed out.

Fuck.

I slip out of his bedroom and apartment and drive home, not quite as satisfied as I'd like to be.

I wake up with images of Eli and me in various sexual positions playing through my mind and am not the least bit surprised to find myself hard. I stay on my back and my hand travels lower to get rid of the not-so-little problem when I hear a clanging sound from the kitchen.

I freeze in fear and look around the room for something to use as a weapon, but am unsuccessful in finding anything...like I'd use one anyway. I get out of bed and slowly walk to my bedroom door. I open it quietly and pad softly to the end of the hallway. I peek around the corner to look at the kitchen only to see Eli standing over the stove in what he wore the night before, looking very comfortable and cooking what smells like breakfast.

I pull back and lean against the hallway wall, trying to recall last night's events. I remember coming home with Eli, him undressing me, and me making an attempt at undressing him. I wonder if we did anything, and I'm surprised to find myself not all that worried if I did.

My eyes snap open just as Eli rounds the corner and nearly walks into me.

"Fuck!" His hand goes over his chest and when he finally slows his erratic breathing, he speaks. "What are you doing up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You looked dead to the world a few minutes ago. In fact, I was just going back to wake you up."

I can literally feel my mind trying to piece together the puzzle. From all the evidence, it appears that Eli and I had sex last night. He's here in last night's clothes, cooking breakfast. But I don't remember anything after me getting undressed. Fuck, if I had sex I'd like to remember, especially sex with Eli.

"Um...yeah...I just woke up."

"Well breakfast is ready. Come on and eat." His smile is almost too bright for this early in the morning. I go sit down at the kitchen table, and Eli's really outdone himself. He's made omelets, toast, and bacon. And on the center of the table is a plate of lemon bars.

I think I may be falling in love.

"I thought you might like them. I went out to get them this morning. Sort of a thank you. I really do appreciate last night Brad. I'm really glad you came."

That can be interpreted in so many different ways, but I'll assume he's talking about the art show.

"I really don't think I was of much use last night, getting trashed and all. I hardly remember anything that happened." I throw that out there in hopes that he'll tell me exactly what happened last night.

"Well," and just before he says anything someone starts knocking on the door. He hops up to answer it as I try to think of who could be visiting this early. I finally remember I had plans with my mother just as Eli opens the door.

No, this is not happening.

I run up behind Eli, but I'm too late. The door is already open and my mother is walking in. When she looks me over, I realize I'm just wearing boxers and that this whole situation looks really bad. She steps into the apartment and, at my silence, Eli takes it upon himself to make introductions.

"Hi, you must be Mrs. Keith. I see where Brad gets his good looks. I'm Eli." They shake hands and I'm surprised to see my mother blush at Eli's lame compliment.

"Oh he's a keeper Bradley." I swear to god she winks at me when she says it.

"That's what I keep telling him."

"Bradley, why don't you get dressed while Eli and I talk."

I really don't want to leave them alone, but I can't sit around half-naked either.

XXXXXXXXXX

I walk back into the living room to find Eli and my mother on the couch laughing and eating what looks to be my lemon bars, but I calm down when I see there's still plenty left.

"You know Eli, these lemon bars are almost as good as my own. I used to make them for Bradley when he was a little boy and I wanted him to do something."

"Really? I'll have to remember that."

"Seriously Eli, give him a lemon bar and he'll do anything."

And for a second I'm embarrassed, but I then realize Eli had probably figured out that little fact when he convinced me to go to the gallery with him by waving a few lemon bars in my face. Hey, every man's got a weakness. I wonder what Eli's is...

"Bradley!" I snap out of my thoughts at the sound of my mother's slightly peeved tone.

"Yeah?" I know I sound a little dazed and out of it, not my normal coherent self at all.

"I was just asking why you haven't told me about this lovely boy before." Eli almost preens at the compliment. "Well, you're both coming to dinner next Friday. It'll give your father a chance to meet your new boyfriend."

I really don't have the energy to explain the whole "not my boyfriend" thing, so I just manage an eye roll. She slips back into conversation with Eli, and I sit back and kind of zone out, using the opportunity to ponder my current situation.

I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, a very long time. I've kind of gotten used to being alone. I like being alone. But now, it's obvious that Eli is very interested in me, although I'm not sure what for. Maybe he's just looking for a good time, but maybe he wants some kind of relationship. I can't imagine him actually wanting a relationship though. He's young. He should be out there enjoying his youth with people his own age. But I can't really deny my feelings either. I'm definitely attracted to him physically, and I also like spending time with him. He's a sweet guy, pushy, but sweet nonetheless.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my mother. She's standing up and walking toward the door. "Bradley, I'll see you and Eli next Friday at 6:00 for dinner."

"Yes, mother." She walks out and I look toward Eli. I guess I'll just take this slowly, one step at a time. I mean, it's not like we've even been on a real date yet.

"Brad, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?"

"Hey! You're not driving, I am. Capeesh?" I look to my side. If anything, Brad sinks further into his seat, sulking.

"If you drove like a sane person and I wasn't riding in this shitmobile, then I wouldn't have to say anything. Where are we going anyways?" Yeah, put Bradley Keith in a car for a few hours and he regresses to the age of a fourth grader.

"I already told you that it's a surprise." That has to be at least the twentieth time I'vr said that, and I already know what the response will be. I can say it word for word along with him. And I do.

"And I already told you that I don't like surprises." Brad spares a moment to glare at me.

"Get over it, Brad. This is going to be fun. I go every Thursday night."

"It's actually Friday morning, you know." I give a mock gasp.

"Really? I had no idea." We are on the outskirts of the city, riding along the highway. I switch lanes and get off at Exit EB. I drive through the smaller town, reaching the outer edge and pull into an oversized parking lot.

"This place is closed, Eli. We're too late."

"No, we're not. We're right on time." I turn off the car, pull out the keys and open my door, stepping out. Brad gets out too.

"We're not breaking into this place, Eli. I'm not going to jail."

"Pfft. Like I am? I'm too pretty for jail. Come on, Brad." I walk to the gate, third from the right.

"How are we getting in?"

"Let's just say I have friends in high places."

"Who? A maintenance man?"

"I'll have you know the maintenance profession is highly respected where I come from."

"Is that so?" I grab the barred gate and lift up, back, and to the right, and sure enough the gate opens like it does every night. "Are you sure we're not breaking in?"

"I told you I have a friend." I brace myself and jump over the rotating-bars-counter-thing that's in the entrance way behind the gate. I'm in. "Come on, Brad." He clumsily brings himself over the counter. He'll get better at it eventually. We start our walk across the grounds.

"Man, this place is kind of creepy. I've never seen one this empty." I look around, trying to see it with new eyes.

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is. I just stopped noticing after awhile. I've been coming here every Thursday night for the past year. It's the best." We fall into a comfortable silence, the only thing that can be heard is the soft sound of our shoes hitting the pavement. Within in a few minutes we are at our final destination. It doesn't look like anyone is around.

"Marc!" The 20-year-old stumbles out of the control booth a little bleary-eyed.

"Eli! What's up man?" I love the guy and all, but he iss really going to fuck me over when he loses this job because he smokes too much.

"Nothin' much. I brought a friend along."

"Ooo, a friend! Wouldn't be a boyfriend, now would he?"

"Just start it up, Marc."

"Fine, fine. You know the drill. Get in your seats ladies and gentlemen. Keep your arms and legs in at all times. And don't puke, 'cause I'm not cleaning that shit up." I scramble into a seat and look to my right, but Brad isn't moving.

"Come on, Brad. Get in."

"I'm not riding a rollercoaster, Eli."

"Chicken?" He just rolls his eyes.

"That's not going to make me get in that coaster."

"Please." I turn wide, pleading eyes toward him. "We'll only go twice. I promise. That's eight less than I usually go. Please?" Of course he sits down.

"Fine, but only two rides."

"Promise."

We end up riding five times.

XXXXXXXXXX

It is 12:00 noon on Friday of next week and I still haven't received a call from Brad. We are supposed to have dinner with his mother later that evening, unless Brad has talked her out of it, which I'm sure he hasn't done, 'cause the lady loved me. The parents always like me.

I'm still lying in bed when the phone rings, because seriously, what kind of artist gets out of bed before 1:00pm? I pick up the cordless from my nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Eli. It's me."

"Hi, Brad. What's up?"

"Um...do you remember last week, you were over at my place, my mom came?"

"Yeah, I remember, Brad. It was just a week ago."

"Right...um...she kind of asked for me to bring you to dinner at her place tonight." It's kind of nice hearing him sound so nervous.

"Yeah, I remember, Brad."

"Right. So do you still want to go?"

"Sure, what time?"

"How about I pick you up at 6pm? Dinner should be ready at 7pm."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Good." The conversation is over, but he kind of stays on the line, as if he wants to talk more.

"Hey, Brad?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you have fun on our date last week?"

"I don't know, the ending was kind of awkward."

"Yeah, but the rest of it?"

"Ah, you mean the driving out in the middle of the night to ride roller coasters at a deserted amusement park, right?"

"Right."

"Well, Marc was a decent guy. And the roller coaster riding was definitely interesting, exhilarating, entertaining. Maybe even educational. It was a unique experience."

"Yeah, but did you have fun?" There's a pause that feels at least a few minutes long.

"Yeah, I had fun, Eli. I'll see you at six, okay?"

"Okay."

I pull up to Elliott's apartment. It's an old building in a shitty part of town, and for a second I seriously consider just honking the horn and waiting for him to come down. But already I can hear my mother's voice in my head going on about manners, etiquette and all that nonsense. I step out of the car, lock all of the doors and walk to the front door. I look at the list of names next to the column of buzzer buttons, and this is when I realize I don't know his last name. I don't know Eli's last name. Isn't that something you should know about the person you're kind of dating? Just as I'm thinking that, Eli opens the door.

"Hey, I saw you pull up. Thought I'd come down." He looked good, he kind of always does.

"What's your last name?" He looks at me as if I'm from another planet, but responds anyways.

"Wyche. What's it to you?"

"Just curious."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Maybe we shouldn't go." I say as Eli fiddles with the car radio before answering.

"Your mom's expecting us, Brad. We can't just not show up."

"Yeah, I think we can."

"Why are you so worried about this?" He looks at me questioningly for a moment before turning his attention back to the radio.

"My parents are insane."

"Everyone says that about their own parents. And I've already met your mom. She seems like a nice lady."

"She was making a good first impression. Believe me, she won't hold back tonight. And I'll bet you a hundred dollars that she invited a bunch of other people. My mother doesn't know how to have a simple dinner. Everything's a production with her."

"So, I'll be meeting the whole family?"

"Most likely."

"Good to know."

I turn onto the street my parent's house is on and my suspicions are confirmed. There are three cars in the drive way. The street is lined with various cars and the front lawn has a few cars parked on it. I guess they ran out of parking space.

"I think I'm nervous now." I look at Eli and his eyes were focused on the house and the obvious party going on inside of it.

"You know, maybe this will be a good thing. There'll be so many people. We can just blend into the background, and if we're lucky, we'll be able to sneak out after an hour or so." I shut the car off and we both step out and walk to the front door. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." I ring the door bell, and I can hear my mother telling everyone to "shush." Then the lights get turned off.

"You know, I think we're walking into a surprise party." My mom swings open the door, the lights were turn on and everyone shouts "Surprise!"

"Hi, Mom." I give her a hug hello.

"You don't sound surprised."

"The next time you want to surprise me, you might want to make sure there aren't cars all over the front lawn."

"Will do." She turns to Eli. "So, Elliott, how are you dear?"

"Fine, Mrs. Keith."

"Good, good. Let me introduce you to everyone." She steps back, giving Eli and I a chance to enter. I take a look around. There has to be at least thirty people in the front room alone. I can only imagine what the other rooms would look like.

"You're not really going to introduce him to everyone, Mom?"

"Of course I am. How can he become a part of the family if he doesn't know the family?" She loops her arm in Eli's and starts walking. And I follow behind them. What else can I do?

XXXXXXXXXX

She starts with my uncles. I have eight. Most of them are okay. My crazy gay uncle Tony is another story though. I think he did too many drugs back in the day. He's always going on about something or other, completely incomprehensible, and he has this habit of hitting on every single guy he meets over the age of 16. Not that he'd be able to do anything if the occasion arose. Not much was rising on Tony nowadays, if you know what I mean. During a drunken party several years ago, he announced that he had erectile dysfunction. He refuses to take Viagra, says it would mess with his head. It seems a little late for that precautionary measure though.

After introducing Eli to every one of my uncles except for Tony, (even she had the good sense to avoid that) my mother drags him to meet my four aunts, and this is why I think my mother is insane. There's no way a person can turn out normal with this many siblings. Twelve brothers and sisters, no kid can survive that and end up a normal functioning member of society. From the aunts, my mother drags Eli to the cousins and friends and if I would had seen the next person she was dragging us to, I would have stopped her. But I don't see who she's dragging us to because my spoiled brat of a niece distracts me. She asks me for twenty dollars. I refuse so she kicks me in the shin. Just like her fucking mother. A pain in my ass.

"Eli, this is Scott. He's a friend of the family." I'm hoping she just leaves it at that. But of course she doesn't. "He and Brad used to date. We were just so sure that they would end up together, but Scott finished med school and got a position out of state. Brad wanted to stay here, close to the family. So they had to call it quits." That wasn't the only reason we called it quits though. Yeah, like I really want to stay close to these psychos. The main reason was Scott couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Just as that thought passes though my mind, I feel someone grab my arm. It is my older sister.

"Brad, Brad. I have a girl I want you to meet." I've told her at least a thousand times that I am in fact gay. I am not attracted to females. She just refuses to believe it.

"I don't want to meet any more girls you think are perfect for me, Janet. I'm here with Eli." I turn around to introduce her to Eli but he's gone, as is my mother.

"With who? I don't see anyone. That's terrible of you, Brad. Making up people just so you don't have to meet my nice frie--" I interrupt her in order to shut her up. It would have gone on for hours.

"Fine. Where is she?"

"Right over here." She pulls me toward the kitchen.

XXXXXXXXXX

It takes me over thirty minutes to get away from the claws of Sheila, Janet's perfect, great, overweight, bitch of a friend. I search the house for Eli, checking every room, being stopped by a different relative here and there. I finally find him in the guest bedroom on the second floor with Scott. Eli is drunk off his ass and talking about what I assume was our last date.

"--and he thought we had already had sex, but we didn't, cause he was drunk, so we haven't had sex, which sucks, because I want to have sex, and you've already had sex with him--"

"I think that's enough, Eli." He jumps up when he hears my voice and smiles.

"Brad!" He throws himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck. He then moves as if he's about to kiss me but stops, the smile on his face quickly turning into a frown. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

We make it to the bathroom just in time. Eli leans over the toilet and gets rid of everything in his stomach. I sit behind him, rubbing his back as he heaves. I wait until the throwing up turns into dry heaves and then coughs and finally just spitting before I grab a towel to give to Eli. He stares at the towel and looks at me blankly, so I take the towel to wipe his mouth. Then I dig through the cabinet space underneath the sink for the paper cups I know my mother keeps there. I fill one halfway and hand it to Eli.

"Wanna rinse you're mouth out?"

"Wanna kiss me?"

"Yeah, vomit's a real turn on." Eli turns the cup up, gargling the water and spitting it into the toilet. I flush it and sit down on the floor, pressing my back against the tub. Eli scoots over, sitting next to me, and rests his head against my shoulder. We sit there in silence for a little bit before Eli speaks up, his voice sounding tired and sleepy.

"So...are you in love with me yet?" I sit there on the bathroom floor in the middle of my mother's extravagant party and think about the lunches Eli and I had together and the dates we went on and tonight and...

"Yeah, I think so."